1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,306
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -

2
00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:06,136
- Wow, that was a tricky clasp.
- Thanks for the help.

3
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:08,007
People are usually scared
of me, for some reason.

4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:09,487
Why, 'cause you have a few tattoos?

5
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,489
What's so scary about a flaming skull?

6
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:12,838
That's my Nana.

7
00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,797
Aw. I love her cheekbones.

8
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,668
I hope you're not in
a rush to get to court.

9
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:19,584
This could take awhile...
Arlo has more jewelry

10
00:00:19,628 --> 00:00:21,978
than a pawn shop after Valentine's Day.

11
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It's okay if I'm a little late.

12
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They can't start without
me. I'm the judge.

13
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:26,330
Oh, you're the new night court judge.

14
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Well, let me be the first
to introduce you to me.

15
00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,682
I'm your bailiff, Donna Gurganous.

16
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,815
- Everyone calls me Gurgs.
- Oh, so nice to meet you, Gurgs.

17
00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:35,165
I'm Abby Stone. I just
moved here from upstate.

18
00:00:35,209 --> 00:00:37,080
Judge Stone. That sounds familiar.

19
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,951
Maybe you heard of my dad, Harry Stone?

20
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He worked here back in the '90s.

21
00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,607
Yeah, I guess anyone
who worked with my dad

22
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moved on a long time ago.

23
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:47,351
Oak milk latte for Tad.

24
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Non-drink for a non-name.

25
00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:52,269
Dan Fielding? Is that you?

26
00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:56,012
- If I have to be, yeah. Yes.
- A hot tea for Mary.

27
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Oh, you know what? You
could make that at home.

28
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I'll get you the recipe.

29
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You know, the last time I saw you,

30
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:03,802
I had a client in night court.

31
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Yeah, I left that place years
ago, have not looked back.

32
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I've looked forward to this for so long.

33
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I can't believe I get to work here.

34
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My dad used to tell the
most wonderful stories

35
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- over the years about...
- The people.

36
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To call the criminals that came through

37
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that court the bottom of the barrel

38
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is an insult to the
bottom of the barrel.

39
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More like the stuff that
grows underneath the barrel.

40
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They all deserve...
A judge who sees them

41
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for more than their crime.

42
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That's what my dad did, and
that's what I want to do.

43
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I believe anyone is
capable of turning things...

44
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Around. Turn the top around,

45
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and the milk will come out.

46
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Skinny latte for Barry.

47
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- That's mine.
- Oh, wait.

48
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- Are you Barry Grenache?
- Yeah.

49
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,713
Oh, I got something else for you.

50
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:47,585
Consider yourself served.

51
00:01:47,628 --> 00:01:48,804
I've been working here three weeks.

52
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Where the hell you been?

53
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,939
Hey, Louis, thanks for the assist.

54
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:55,985
Oh, by the way, I'm
keeping the hat and this,

55
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because you made me clean the bathroom.

56
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,076
Wait, so this is all an act?

57
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The whole barista
thing? That fake beard?

58
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:04,907
- Barista, yeah.
- But this is my real face, ass...

59
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:07,779
Holy moly, I can't wait to get started.

60
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,868
Oh, no. Arlo forgot his nose ring.

61
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That wasn't in his nose.

62
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Dad never mentioned that in his stories.

63
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Welcome to night court.

64
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All rise. Manhattan Criminal Court

65
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Part Two is now in session.

66
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The Honorable Apny Strone presiding.

67
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Uh, it's Abby Stone, but that's okay.

68
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This is what happens when I overprepare.

69
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Let me take another crack at it.

70
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The Stormatable Abner Splumf.

71
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:51,954
The Abomomitable
Snowmay... Close enough.

72
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This is night court and
we're running out of night.

73
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,567
Oh, thanks. Neil, right?

74
00:02:56,611 --> 00:02:58,395
I like the way you clerk it.

75
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,876
- Alright, let's do this.
- Olivia Moore, your honor,

76
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representing the City of New York.

77
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Look at us. Excuse me while
I brush a few pieces of

78
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the glass ceiling off my shoulder.

79
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:10,929
Nice to meet you, counselor.

80
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:13,149
And I assume that you
are our public defender?

81
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,152
Paul Grossman... and as someone
who's fallen through an actual

82
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glass ceiling, I find your
comments in poor taste.

83
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:23,028
First up, we have the People
vs Esmerelda the Magnificent.

84
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AKA Jane Horowitz, the
repeat fraud offender.

85
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Ms. Horowitz is charged
with criminal impersonation

86
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for misrepresenting her ability to make

87
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- 100% accurate predictions.
- Where's the proof?

88
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The State would like to
submit into evidence this sign,

89
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which says the thing I just said.

90
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:42,700
Oof. I didn't know she'd have a sign.

91
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,703
- The defense rests.
- Hang on, hang on.

92
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,227
I'd love to just dig in a bit and hear

93
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:48,837
Ms. Horowitz's side of things.

94
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,013
Oh, no. We don't dig here.

95
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I make my case, you're awed by my charm.

96
00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:55,060
Bangy-bangy, we move on.

97
00:03:55,103 --> 00:03:56,453
This is clearly fraud.

98
00:03:56,497 --> 00:03:59,326
Well, it's only fraud
if she's not psychic.

99
00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,980
Hold on. You... You want
her to prove she's psychic?

100
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,373
Yeah, I don't know if we have time...

101
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,635
Oh, you know what they say.

102
00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:06,942
There's always time for CPLR 4011,

103
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,335
which allows judges broad discretion

104
00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,075
to regulate the conduct of the trial

105
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:11,468
in a setting of proper decorum.

106
00:04:11,512 --> 00:04:13,253
Also, they gave me this
fancy wooden hammer,

107
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,472
so I kind of get to do what I want.

108
00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:19,781
Alright, Ms. the Magnificent,
let's see what you got.

109
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,261
You think you're better
than this place...

110
00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:24,264
Oh, hang on, I'm gonna
need to hear the voice.

111
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You think you're better than this place

112
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and are desperate to work at a big firm.

113
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Well, that's obvious, I'm not
just gonna rot here like Paul.

114
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I'd love to disagree, but this isn't

115
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how a 30 year old man should look.

116
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You took this job to
minimize expectations,

117
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and you're in a hurry to
leave, but have no place to go.

118
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Okay, she might be magic.

119
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- What number am I thinking of?
- All of them.

120
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Get out of my head!

121
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Okay, now me.

122
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I'm sensing you are career-driven.

123
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'Cause I'm young for a judge?

124
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I am seeing you are new to this place.

125
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'Cause I was unsure of my clerk's name?

126
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:05,696
But as successful as you are,

127
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you are unlucky in love.

128
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'Cause I'm not wearing a ring?

129
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Which I took off to set you up.

130
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,140
I'm very happily engaged.

131
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My fianc� is upstate
and moving down soon.

132
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Oh, you're going to fry.

133
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- Not quite.
- 50 hours of community service.

134
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Paul? You didn't put up much of a fight.

135
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I expected more.

136
00:05:28,806 --> 00:05:31,983
But... ah, I see you trying harder,

137
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'cause I'm gonna keep pushing you,

138
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'cause I believe in you.

139
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That's all I needed to hear.

140
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- I quit.
- Quit?

141
00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:42,864
Yeah. I didn't take
this job to work hard

142
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or have some kid tell
me she believes in me.

143
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,825
Paul. Paul, come back.

144
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:50,698
I don't believe in you that much!

145
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,656
Oh, don't worry, Judge,
he does this sort of thing

146
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,441
- all the time.
- Really?

147
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Nah, I was just trying to cheer you up.

148
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,096
I think you broke him.

149
00:06:02,187 --> 00:06:03,624
Look what I found in storage.

150
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:05,495
I think it's some of
your daddy's old stuff.

151
00:06:05,539 --> 00:06:09,978
Oh, my gosh. Really? Oh...

152
00:06:10,021 --> 00:06:13,764
I can't believe it's you!

153
00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:16,419
Welcome home, Clarence.

154
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:19,944
Well, I'm off to investigate
a report of vandalism.

155
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Apparently, the culprit
rearranged letters

156
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:24,079
on the directory board
to spell joke names.

157
00:06:24,122 --> 00:06:27,996
- I saw that.
- "Hugh Janus" was my favorite.

158
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Get it? Hugh Janus?

159
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,392
So an attack on this court is funny.

160
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:35,046
They just moved some letters around.

161
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Moving letters is a huge deal.

162
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Ask Vanna White.

163
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Legal Aid said they'll
send another public defender

164
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as soon as they can.

165
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:45,187
What if we get another Paul?

166
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,015
We'd be lucky to get another Paul.

167
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He had a way of not caring

168
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that would make the night just fly by.

169
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,716
We can do better than that.

170
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,980
We need someone who cares
as much about people as I do.

171
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:01,421
I think I might know just the guy.

172
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,950
You better not have forgotten
the coleslaw this time!

173
00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:12,823
I have all the Girl
Scout cookies I need.

174
00:07:12,867 --> 00:07:16,957
- Thanks.
- Maybe that wasn't Dan Fielding.

175
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:19,134
No, it was.

176
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:26,141
Mr. Fielding, I'm not a
Girl Scout, but if I was,

177
00:07:26,184 --> 00:07:28,535
that door slam might have
really hurt my feelings.

178
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,971
Though I guess I'd have the support

179
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:31,320
of a nurturing community

180
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:32,930
who would help rebuild
my self confidence

181
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:35,629
and set me on an empowered
path of discovery and self...

182
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Who are you, and why
are you still talking?

183
00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:43,593
- My name is Abby Stone.
- You used to work with my dad.

184
00:07:43,637 --> 00:07:45,377
You're Harry's daughter?

185
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,120
Come in.

186
00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:50,644
Hope you don't mind me dropping by.

187
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,907
I found your address in
a box of my dad's stuff.

188
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,082
Yeah, no. Uh, no.

189
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,432
It's, uh, fine. It's just...

190
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,739
Sorry, it's been, well, quite awhile

191
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:01,698
since I did any entertaining.

192
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:03,961
Oh, duck sauce?

193
00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:11,795
- For later.
- I was sorry to hear about your father.

194
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:16,147
We had lost touch over the
years, but he was a great guy.

195
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:19,237
- I know he felt the same way about you.
- Mm.

196
00:08:19,281 --> 00:08:20,674
I almost didn't recognize
you with the beard.

197
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:24,242
In pictures, you always
looked so put together.

198
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:26,070
Not that the beard isn't a good look.

199
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,986
It's... It's a great way
to cover up a weird neck.

200
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:32,686
Not that your neck is weird.
It's... Wow, look at that view!

201
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:37,168
That is what sold Sarah on the place.

202
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:41,956
- Is Sarah your wife?
- She was.

203
00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:44,567
So, what brings you to town?

204
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,613
I moved here for a job.

205
00:08:46,656 --> 00:08:50,225
I am the new night court judge.

206
00:08:55,273 --> 00:08:57,188
Anyway, our public defender quit,

207
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,713
and I was wondering if
you might be interested.

208
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,541
In being a public defender?

209
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:04,631
I'm afraid you've confused
me with someone else,

210
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:08,025
someone who likes people.

211
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:12,464
Huh. Then I guess this
doesn't mean anything to you?

212
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,901
Pull the rest of the table out of there,

213
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:16,817
I'll be very impressed.

214
00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:19,123
It's a souvenir from the
night that my dad almost quit

215
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,691
being a judge; you
found him in a pool hall

216
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:25,173
and helped him go back to
the thing that he loved.

217
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,610
You said you admired him.

218
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:28,959
Doesn't ring a bell.

219
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,439
You also called him "a pathetic,

220
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:33,094
whiny, wheezy jackass twig."

221
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:36,880
Oh, that I remember.

222
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,273
That was a very long time ago.

223
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,841
You know, my practicing
days are behind me.

224
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,539
Nowadays, I'm in more
of a supportive role.

225
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,236
- Teaching?
- I'm a process server.

226
00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:46,977
The look on someone's
face when you tell them

227
00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:50,067
they've been served at their
kid's flag football game,

228
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:54,463
- priceless.
- Hmm.

229
00:09:54,506 --> 00:09:56,552
The guy with all those thank you cards

230
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,901
must like people a little bit.

231
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:59,729
Occasionally with the
subpoena, I'll throw in

232
00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,731
a little free legal advice,
just so that the poor bastards

233
00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,952
don't do something utterly stupid.

234
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:07,171
And they'll thank me with a card,

235
00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:12,195
or 26 pounds of black
market ribeyes. Here.

236
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:16,093
One for the road? Don't
ask where they came from.

237
00:10:16,137 --> 00:10:17,834
These cows have seen stuff.

238
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,188
Come to the courthouse tonight.

239
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,668
I could really use some pointers.

240
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,322
I've been a judge upstate,
but night court is...

241
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,237
A non-stop freak show. A fetid swamp.

242
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:34,634
- Am I close? Come on, you know I'm close.
- It's different.

243
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,940
Please? You're the only person I know

244
00:10:36,984 --> 00:10:38,681
who gets how that world works,

245
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:41,858
or at least the only
person who's still around.

246
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:50,214
Yeah, okay. I'll stop by.

247
00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:52,434
So now, as I said,
it's been quite awhile

248
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,088
since I entertained.

249
00:10:54,131 --> 00:10:55,872
How do you get someone to leave?

250
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:08,798
Tell me a story, board. Who hurt you?

251
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,758
Oh, I can't believe this
is happening on my watch.

252
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,585
Is there a world in
which you're taking this

253
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:17,328
- a little too seriously?
- Oh, Neil.

254
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,983
Innocent, naive, simple,

255
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,899
narrow-hipped Neil.

256
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:24,727
I wish I could tell
you the world was all

257
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:27,599
sunshine and flapjacks, but
this is no isolated incident.

258
00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:29,863
Or have you forgotten the
events of last Thursday,

259
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:32,126
when our courtroom's light
bulbs were swapped out

260
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:34,781
for fingerling potatoes?

261
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:37,348
It's just a dumb joke, it's
not like anybody's gonna believe

262
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:40,003
Gary Buttmouth is a real person?

263
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:43,528
I'm looking for Gary Buttmouth?

264
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,792
You think there's a Gary
Buttmouth working here

265
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:48,011
and his office is...

266
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:52,015
1814. He's coming for me.

267
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:53,713
That's my office.

268
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,455
So, I'm going to ask you one more time.

269
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:58,761
Who threw the first punch?

270
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:01,764
He did. I did? You did!

271
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:04,593
Cut it out! Cut it out!

272
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,423
Maybe we should just
let them kill each other.

273
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,120
It's basically Thunderdome around here

274
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,774
without a public defender.

275
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,344
- Let's take five.
- You don't want to just rule

276
00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:21,349
real quick? Or take five. Maybe 10.

277
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,960
Hey, Sally. Yes, it's me.

278
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:27,007
Let's not make a big
deal about it, okay?

279
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:29,357
So is it weird being back?

280
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:30,967
Like going to your old high school?

281
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:32,577
No, more like a trip to the dentist.

282
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,275
Slightly unpleasant, and there's

283
00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:35,755
a decent chance a total stranger

284
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:38,714
will try to stick their
hand in your mouth.

285
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,588
So, you want to check
out my dad's old chambers?

286
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,765
I bet that box of stuff we
found will bring back memories

287
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,810
- of your glory days.
- No, thank you.

288
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,856
I prefer leaving the past in the past.

289
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:54,512
If these walls could talk,
they'd say, "Kill me."

290
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:57,820
Oh, Olivia Moore, this is Dan Fielding.

291
00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,257
He used to be the Assistant
District Attorney of this court.

292
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:04,784
Oh, wow, a former night court
Assistant District Attorney.

293
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,612
Of all the days to leave
my selfie stick at home.

294
00:13:07,656 --> 00:13:09,571
Well, you could always tape your phone

295
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:13,314
- to that stick up your...
- Oh.

296
00:13:13,357 --> 00:13:14,881
I am liking this back and forth.

297
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,100
Maybe it's just me, but I
would love to see you two

298
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,276
- squaring off every night.
- Mm-hmm.

299
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,191
Judge, may I have a word?

300
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:25,717
I'm gonna go get some coffee. Alone.

301
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:31,636
I don't want to question your
usually impeccable judgment,

302
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,856
but if you think Truck Stop Santa's

303
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:37,077
gonna be our new public
defender, you're delusional.

304
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,861
I think he'd be perfect.

305
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:42,125
Self-centered narcissists
aren't public defenders.

306
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,084
We're prosecutors.

307
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:46,738
Okay, yes, he shot me
down once, but I think with

308
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:51,265
a little push, I can
get him to a solid maybe.

309
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,267
Okay, open your eyes.

310
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:54,659
I never closed them.

311
00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:56,836
Wait a minute. I know these people.

312
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,838
These are all people I've served.

313
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,318
Oh, wait, wait, am I dying and
only the most irrelevant parts

314
00:14:01,362 --> 00:14:03,668
of my life are flashing before my eyes?

315
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:05,714
These aren't just people you served.

316
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,368
These are lives you've changed.

317
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:09,196
Look, I appreciate you trying to give me

318
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:10,806
a billiard ball moment,

319
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,591
but I like my life the
way it is, thank you.

320
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:16,377
You say you're happy all
alone, ordering takeout

321
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:18,553
and stockpiling freezer meat,

322
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:20,555
but I think you could thrive here.

323
00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:22,252
Don't you want that for yourself?

324
00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,037
- Why are we talking about me?
- You're the one that needs help.

325
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,777
Oh, I just said that
to get you to come here.

326
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:27,997
You sure about that, because
last time I checked your

327
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,608
public defender quit, you're
driving your clerk insane,

328
00:14:30,652 --> 00:14:32,915
and is that ketchup on your robe?

329
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,787
I'll have you know that
might be twin blood.

330
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:38,007
Look, I'm just trying
to do the right thing,

331
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,314
and if people aren't on board
for that, that's on them.

332
00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:43,534
Your problem is that you
think being right matters.

333
00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:45,797
Yeah, good judges decide what's right.

334
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:48,017
Great judges convincepeople.

335
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:50,933
That's what made your father so special.

336
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,588
When he wasn't zapping
people with joy buzzers

337
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:56,373
or stuffing springy
snakes into everything.

338
00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:57,940
Because of that man, it was a decade

339
00:14:57,984 --> 00:15:00,508
before I could eat a canned nut.

340
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,077
So now you want to talk about the past?

341
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,600
If you don't like what I have to say,

342
00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,384
next time you find an address in a box,

343
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:09,299
why don't you just leave it there?

344
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:10,953
Sure, because keeping things boxed up

345
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:13,303
seems to be your thing...
your past, your feelings,

346
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:14,739
you've put your whole life in a box

347
00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:16,306
- and won't let anyone in.
- Wait, hold on a second.

348
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,395
Am I in the box or am I
putting things in the box?

349
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:19,614
- I kind of lost the thread.
- Yeah.

350
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:22,965
The point is, you're afraid
to open that box.

351
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,575
- You know what?
- It was lovely meeting you,

352
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,055
and good luck with the
saving the world thing.

353
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:30,103
I am sure that it's
gonna happen any day now.

354
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,756
I'm gonna pretend you're being sincere,

355
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,804
and there's nothing you can do about it!

356
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,156
- I tried everything!
- Following the money,

357
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:44,421
police psychic, unlikely
partner to a dog,

358
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:46,597
going undercover as a teen.

359
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:48,469
How many of those did you actually do?

360
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:50,427
You're missing the
point... all this work,

361
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:51,994
and I came up with jack diddly squat,

362
00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:54,257
which incidentally,
is a name on the board.

363
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:58,435
This guy is a criminal
master mind, like...

364
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,829
like a Hannibal.

365
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:04,964
Or it's "Fight Club."

366
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:11,057
Maybe I really am Gary Buttmouth.

367
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,102
No, no, no, no.

368
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,583
I gotta hurry up and stop
me before I do something

369
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,889
I can't even believe I'm capable of.

370
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:23,634
Are you gonna tell her it was you?

371
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,464
My job isn't exactly fulfilling,

372
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:31,120
so I've got to find ways to
keep my brain from eating itself.

373
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:35,777
- You're not gonna rat me out, are you?
- No.

374
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,387
You've got to cool it, though.

375
00:16:37,431 --> 00:16:38,823
I've already lost a public defender.

376
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:40,347
If I lose a bailiff, you might be next.

377
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:43,872
Knowing my luck, I might
just end up in a later court.

378
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:48,529
So if court clerk isn't
your dream job, what is?

379
00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:50,400
Oh, no. No, no, no.

380
00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:51,923
You're not doing that thing to me.

381
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,795
- What thing?
- That thing where you

382
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:55,057
ask questions and dig deeper

383
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,798
and turn a simple jaywalking charge

384
00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,408
into a full-on therapy session.

385
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,193
I mean, I'm glad Ellie
made a major breakthrough.

386
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,630
She can't be the son her
father always wanted her to be,

387
00:17:02,673 --> 00:17:03,979
and that's his issue, not hers.

388
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,200
And why do I know any of this?

389
00:17:07,242 --> 00:17:09,637
Yeah, I guess I'm
always looking for what's

390
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,683
going on underneath.

391
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:15,164
My dad used to do a lot of magic tricks,

392
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:16,905
and whenever I asked
him how they were done,

393
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,038
he would say, "It's magic."

394
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,778
Drove me crazy.

395
00:17:20,821 --> 00:17:22,301
He thought if I knew how they worked,

396
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:24,694
I wouldn't like them as much, but to me,

397
00:17:24,739 --> 00:17:26,696
the truth was the magic.

398
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,134
I feel that way about people.

399
00:17:28,176 --> 00:17:29,744
It's hard not to like them once you know

400
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,399
what's going on underneath.

401
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:35,489
I see how that makes me a
pain in the butt as a judge

402
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,708
and as a fan of magic.

403
00:17:37,752 --> 00:17:39,710
And as an Uber passenger.

404
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:45,629
I guess I could take a
closer look at the docket,

405
00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,544
find a little more time for digging in.

406
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,155
Neil, that would be amazing!

407
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:50,895
But just a little more, like,
five minutes here and there.

408
00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:52,462
- I'm hearing 10!
- You're hearing five!

409
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:55,378
- Nine?
- You're gonna do whatever you want anyway.

410
00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:57,163
You get me, Neil!

411
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:06,955
Afraid to open a box.

412
00:18:09,958 --> 00:18:11,655
Huh.

413
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:16,225
Well, this place hasn't changed,

414
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:21,404
right down to the guy fishing
dead birds out of the ceiling.

415
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:23,058
Hey, you know what?

416
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,408
I wanted to ask you something.

417
00:18:25,452 --> 00:18:29,108
Say a lifetime ago, you
worked with a guy, right?

418
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:32,415
Had your ups and downs, but on
the whole, like each other...

419
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:34,896
respected, even.

420
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:38,247
The job ends. You go your separate ways.

421
00:18:38,291 --> 00:18:41,816
Life happens. You live and you love.

422
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:44,862
And you lose, big time,

423
00:18:44,906 --> 00:18:49,302
so you close off your heart.

424
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:53,262
Then one day, the child of
that almost forgotten guy

425
00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:57,266
comes to you and asks for your help.

426
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,876
Would you take the chance?

427
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,271
Would you... open that heart up again,

428
00:19:02,315 --> 00:19:07,015
let feelings in,
knowing that undoubtedly,

429
00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:11,933
it would hurt again at some point?

430
00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:15,154
There is a saying in my country.

431
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,678
"When man is holding dead bird,

432
00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:20,159
tell shorter story."

433
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:26,034
And that is why I
don't open up to people.

434
00:19:28,906 --> 00:19:34,260
But I am not afraid to
open a box. Oh! Harry!

435
00:19:38,568 --> 00:19:43,704
Okay. I'll think about it.

436
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:48,187
To save time, can we just
do all the public urinations

437
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:53,627
- at once?
- Sure.

438
00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:58,197
Guilty. Guilty. Impressive, but guilty.

439
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,071
Come on, man.

440
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,512
Oh, to try a case that
doesn't involve genitals.

441
00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:11,340
That'd be the dream.

442
00:20:11,384 --> 00:20:15,736
Your Honor, Dan
Fielding for the defense.

443
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,218
Wait, you... you actually got him?

444
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:22,569
Maybe there's a chance I'm
not being catfished after all.

445
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,397
We've never met, but you...

446
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,355
definitely are.

447
00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:29,140
Get that perfectly
normal neck over here.

448
00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:30,881
Alright, look, I just
want to say this one thing.

449
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:34,276
I'm only here to help out
temporarily, a few days.

450
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,148
- I'm hearing weeks.
- If you keep smiling like that,

451
00:20:37,192 --> 00:20:40,021
I'm out of here right
now, so just knock it off.

452
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:43,546
- That's better.
- Better, Your Honor.

453
00:20:43,590 --> 00:20:45,461
I'm already regretting this.

454
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,335
I'd like to know how you did this.

455
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,728
- Maybe it's just magic.
- You have no idea, do you?

456
00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,295
No freaking clue.

457
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,819
Well, whatever you
did, you pulled it out.

458
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:59,606
Speaking of pulling it out...

459
00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:01,912
Sorry, too easy.

460
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,914
Mr. Gates was brought
in for lewd conduct.

461
00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:06,743
Obviously, this man is a depraved menace

462
00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:09,180
and has no place in decent society.

463
00:21:09,224 --> 00:21:11,705
Oh, Mr. Fielding, I'd
just like to remind you,

464
00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:13,446
you're the defense.

465
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:20,235
Your Honor,

466
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,107
my client... dare I say my friend...

467
00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:25,196
is an outstanding
pillar of his community

468
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:26,937
and we are wasting the court's time

469
00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:30,027
with this gross miscarriage of justice.

470
00:21:30,071 --> 00:21:31,507
If you'll indulge me,

471
00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,770
I'd just like to know
what's underneath all this.

472
00:21:33,814 --> 00:21:37,078
- You're the judge.
- No! Oh! Just...

473
00:21:42,692 --> 00:21:44,346
And I left my house for this.

474
00:21:47,056 --> 00:21:52,056
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